Sideways

daca as alege un dar, mi-ar fi greu, dar mi-ar placea sa scriu. Sa scriu si sa transmit. Sa scriu, si sa scriu bine. :)

M-am saturat sa scriu despre sfarsituri. Despre cum oamenii pleaca, despre cum ii parasesc eu sau ii las sa plece. Nu sunt atat de depresiva pe cat reiese din blog, imi place sa cred. Poate ca  nu sunt cea mai sociabila sau draguta sau fericita persoana, dar urmaresc zona respectiva indeaproape. Au fost multe momente pana acum, poate perioade chiar, in care starea mea a fost mai mult rea decat buna. Anul trecut poate ca a fost la fel, nu-mi amintesc. Dar acum, acum amortirea asta fericita in care zambesc pentru ca starea mea e preponderent buna, pentru ca nu simt ca ma mai trage ceva inapoi in afara de mine, amortirea asta fericita e de-ajuns. Zambesc, da, si-mi pare rau ca asta nu poate sa incalzeasca pe cineva cat as vrea eu, sau cat mi-ar placea sa o faca. M-am plimbat prin Bucuresti in trei luni poate mai mult decat jumatate din anul trecut. Am invatat unde sa merg la spectacole, unde sa caut ce-mi trebuie, cum sa cheltuiesc si sa am economii. Sunt vesnic obosita si in criza de timp. Si totusi mi-e atat de bine.

Stiu ca eu sunt cea care impune intotdeauna limitele, de teama sau temeri. Cu curaj sau din lasitate. Impacata cu situatia sau din dorinta de a mai razbi un pic in lupta cu eu-cea-care-nu-stie-sa-renunte-si-mereu-mai-da-o-sansa. Dar sunt atatea momente cand mi-am calcat pe orice ramasita de ceva si mi-am permis o alta alunecare.

Blab: Three secrets I'm keeping.

#1. I am in a happy place right now.

#2. I am done trying at the moment.

#3. I miss summer.

Mwah: Three people I'd like to kiss.

#1. Daniel Craig.

#2. Dan Howell.

#3. AmazingPhil.

Similar: Three members of the same sex I find attractive.

#1. Keira Knightley

#2. Leighton Meester

#3. Kendi Skeen.

Different: Three members of the opposite sex I find attractive

#1. Colin Farrell
#2. Dan Howell

#3. Brian Skeen

Pastime: Three hobbies I have that I would be embarrassed to know someone discovered.

#1. Collecting leaves.

#2. Burning stuff.

#3. Being stingy.

Doing: Three habits that I have.

#1. Playing with my hair although never flirting.

#2. Washing my hands after I come home.

#3. Talking to myself and the things around me.

Psst: Three things that I've always wanted to tell you.

#1. I think you know there's something driving me. And I think you'll never find out what or why.

#2. You should know how to handle me by now.

#3. Be honest. And stop playing what you call games.

Shh: Three things I wouldn't want my parents to know

#1. I almost slept with a guy. Maybe I'm that easy.

#2. I wish I could be able to be the daughter you deserve.

#3. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to be the role model you want me to be.

Dream: Three wishes I have.

#1. Be in a loving amazing relationship.

#2. Stop being lazy and afraid.

#3. Be more confident, and have a good, stable relationship with God.

Want: Three things I would do to you if we were

 alone.

#1. Cook with you.

#2. Have endless talks about nothing in particular.

#3. Watch Friends together.

Acum un an, 2 luni si vreo 24 de zile, ii spuneam fostului tau best friend: 'Baiete, asta e. Nothing, nothing, nothing's gonna change my world.'
Nu as putea sa spune ca nu s-a schimbat nimic. Ma pot schimba, am aflat de-atunci, chiar fara sa-mi dau seama. Totul ma schimba, intr-un fel, si toti chiar.
Dar viata mea nu va fi mult mai altfel daca te hotarasti sa pleci.

keep in touch

Du und ik bleiben wach bis de Wolken wieder lila sein. Zusammen vielleicht, aber immer getrennt.

I know I'm giving this a bit too much thought. But this is my way of saying that you think I've let you in, but I wasn't. When I tried to do that, you were unaware. I want to do that again, but I am sure I can't trust you. So I stand forewarned. Ok dear. I need to not act out on my impulsiveness again.

These are the remnants of autumn. You did well, my dear. Better than I expected. Well done.  Eu ma duc la somn.

   
Marteria, Yasha & Miss Platnum - Lila Wolken

Rehab.

This is a new low, even for me.
I am actually surprised at how I've become so and so.

I need a cleanse. And giving up everything superfluous about my existence. I need to be better. I am intoxicated.

Do I fail to recall who I really am? Yes I do, unfortunately.
 
Jenny and Tyler -  Abide 

Abrupt clarity

Sometimes it's easier to pretend that things are okay, rather than face a difficult truth. So we go through the motions, the rituals of everyday life. We hope the comfortable rhythms of familiarity will hold off the inevitable just a little longer,return things to normal - anything to buy us more time. 

 Playing pretend, making believe. It might we only thing that, no matter what we do, we never outgrow.

    
Dillon - Thirteen Thirtyfive

172.

De data asta o sa incerc sa tac, cu totul.

Si chiar daca asta nu ma multumeste pe deplin,

sunt sigura ca e ceea ce trebuie sa fac,

tocmai de-asta.

I'm gonna let it be,

let the other it be,

let everything be. 

And alas, I'm trying to let myself be too.


   
Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros