rant.

"Well, I've been down so God damn long that it looks like up to me."

I could always write about how pathetic A makes me feel. About how I feel small and insignificant, ugly and stupid, about how I never seem to fit in whenever we see each other. My so-called 'killer' look cannot compete with this power he has over me. Today I was confident. I walked tall and I thought I was elegant. Anything could've come my way, I would've surpassed it. The minute I stepped on the aisle, everything went wrong.

And it still does.

And I stared trying to apprehend what was it about this man that intrigued me so much, that kept me hanging on for so long. I didn't care if anyone noticed anymore. And why should I care, it's not their business. It's not even his. Just mine. I stared at him and tried to uncover all those ghosts. Everything blurred for a minute, and a lot of moments rushed back to my head.


*
* *


And I stared. It didn't make me feel like before, but the same thing came to my mind, over and over, wrote in neon letters.

"That's the one I want."


And I stared.

And I realised once again how endlessly pathetic I am.